Not now, not ever
by I am a total loser
Summary: Crowfeather and Leafpool oneshot. I love them so much. :/ I DO NOT OWN WARRIORS.


**Hi guys. This is a short CrowxLeaf oneshot. Leafpool&Crowfeather... 3 Oh, how I love them. :3**

Leafpool lay curled up in the warriors den, trying to fall asleep. She tried and tried, but all she could think about was _him_. His smoky gray fur, his intimidating amber eyes. His snappy attitude, his lean body. All she wanted more than anything was to be by his side, her tabby fur brushing his almost black fur. Guilt washed over her and she sighed, making the warriors next to her shift in their sleep. She sighed again, remembering her deceased daughter, Hollyleaf. She had looked so much like her father. She had loved Crowfeather so much. She still did. But now, all her kits resented her for it. _Everyone _resented her, really. She saw Jayfeather wince whenever he 'saw' her, and Lionblaze would look down and growl slightly. Cats would shake their heads and murmur to one another whenever her family walked by; she was a laughingstock. Firestar tried to hide his shame, but his shone in his all-too-revealing eyes.

_They couldn't be together. Not now, not ever. _

And, not only had she ruined _her_ relationship with her kits, she had also ruined _her_ _sister's_ relationship with them. And it didn't stop there; Brambleclaw seemed to always slink in the background, avoiding Squirrelflight at all costs. She always saw the pain in her sister's green eyes whenever she looked at him. Brambleclaw could see it, too, but he chose to give her the cold shoulder. Every time, Squirrelflight's green eyes would flash with mixed emotions, her tail would drop to the ground, and she would drag herself out of camp. She used to be so happy and bubbly, but now she was always depressed and heartbroken. And she also ruined ThunderClan's reputation. _We were already the 'Kittypet Clan', but now we're the love affair clan. A joke. And all because of me._ _I'm the one who did all this. _Leafpool thought. She silently snarled at herself. Leafpool got up and padded out of the den. She smelled Jayfeather, but she winced and continued out of the camp and into the forest. She found herself padding absentmindedly toward the WindClan border, a place that held so many memories. She flinched with each pawstep; the closer she got, the more painful the memories.

***Flashback***

"Leafpool, do… do you think we're making the _wrong _choice? Y' know… Leaving the Clans?" Crowfeather asked, twining his tail with hers. His amber eyes were trying to suppress his guilt for leaving, but failing.

"Crowfeather, I'll miss ThunderClan, and I will never forget them and how I abandoned them, but there's no one else I would rather run away with." She responded, purring.

His eyes went clear of all emotion, then flooded with love.

"I feel exactly the same way." He murmured, then licked her ear.

"Crowfeather?"

"Yes, Leafpool?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

***Flashback over***

_They couldn't be together. Not now, not ever._  
>Leafpool sat at the stream, staring up at Silverpelt. She stared up at the sky, wondering what StarClan thought about all this. <em>Do they feel bad, making me feel this way? Making my kits, sister, and my sister's ex-mate feel this way? <em>She pondered. _No. They probably don't. Why should they? It's my fault. _She decided. There were faint night clouds in the starry black sky, and that only brought up more pain.

***Flashback***

Leafpool padded toward the WindClan border and spotted the thing she had been hoping for. It _would have _been a meeting night, nights they used to meet at the border, but ever since… _that_, it was obvious that they wouldn't meet again. His dark silhouette wasn't very close, but she could recognize his features. Thin tail, lithe body, small ears. _He came! He must've come here purposely! You don't just accidently come near the border on a meeting night!_

"Crowfeather?" She whispered when she reached the stream. His ears pricked toward her and he turned to see Leafpool: the one he loved. He couldn't help but let his tail curl slightly in happiness.

"What do you want Leafpool?" He growled, not amused. His dark gray fur was bristling and he seemed to be trying hard not to do something.

"Never mind. You hate me anyway." She murmured, turning away. _Why did I even come here?_

"Leafpool…" He started, his eyes softening. He padded up to her and sat down beside her. "I… I love _Nightcloud_ now. We have a kit. We can't be together Leafpool. _We're over._"

***Flashback over***

Not now, not ever...

Two words. It was those two words. Those two words that ended everything. The words that stuck like a spider web. It played over and over again in her mind. _We're over. We're over. We're over. _She sighed.

"Why StarClan?" she murmured. "Why can't we be together?"

They were meant for each other; she could feel it in her heart. And yet, here she was. Alone. Unhappy. Wistfully thinking about Crowfeather: the one she could never be with. Crowfeather; the name that tasted oh-so-sweet on her tongue_. _But she couldn't say that name. Not now, not ever.

She padded back to camp, head down, tail dragging on the ground. She got back to camp, sneaking by the sleeping Graystripe on guard, and almost padded to the medicine den out of habit. But she curled up in the warriors den, lying restlessly next to her clanmates, feeling out of place. She didn't belong there. She was the medicine cat. But not anymore. She was Leafpool the warrior. Leafpool the runaway. Leafpool the exile. Leafpool the heartbroken.

They couldn't be together. Not now, not ever.


End file.
